I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize