i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
