when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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