You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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