:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
