I hope my margaritas pass through security.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
