glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize