oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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