i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
40s are totally the cure
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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