You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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