I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
