i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
