WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize