apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
