Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
