I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
