Did I show you my penis last night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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