there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
