Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
