last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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