Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
