you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
