remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
