I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
