i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize