if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
