your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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