We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize