it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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