I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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