I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Say something about gay babies.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
