the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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