is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
