every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
