I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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