You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's no shave November. This is our time.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
