I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
