By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
