Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i now understand why vodka
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
