i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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