I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
