you guys were way drunker than both of me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
