Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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