Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
