I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
