that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
