Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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