Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize