ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
