your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
