I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
