My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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