3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Floor bacon is actually really good
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize