i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
