In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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