after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
