you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
