i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
