Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
