kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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