I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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