She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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