i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
