i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
