Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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