Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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