How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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