Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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