Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
