what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
