This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
