I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
