that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
