I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
