yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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