I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She needs sedatives and a leash
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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