I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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