never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
