I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
