you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
