is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
