Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
