Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
