Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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