smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
