I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize