I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
