I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize