Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
nutella sex= disaster
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
