: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
