I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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