You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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