I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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