Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
