Apparently you make a good broom.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
