Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
