So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
