Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
