This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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