I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
