Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
