I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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