The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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