im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I enjoy the company of your penis
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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