NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
