Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
