there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
